The Voice

The voice rumbles in my head, it trembles my soul,

in a silent night a dead symphony gusts in the street,

and all I can hear is the voice, its frozen beat,

its edgy chill through my spine, Oh brother! help! save me from this rhyme.

the beautiful melody that once trumped my mind,

is now just a myth from that nostalgic time,

for all now I’m is a phantom lie, for all now I seek is some aid inside,

to break the prison of this cursed theme, refuge me from this horrendous scream,

but the street is forlorn, just the voice and me,

in a relentless pursuit of torment and agony,

in this timeless time of an infinite catastrophe,

in this story-less tale of a resentful plea,

I am a free captive in this paradoxical atrophy.

Some stories are not complete, for sometimes sense of fulfillment in them ruins their core formation and sometimes there aren’t the words nor the feelings left for the completion.

the fate never loses, the destiny can’t be erased,

the human is a puppet of emotions that echoes in a domain called brain,

in the form of voices, sometimes melodious whilst other horrendous.


You Suck and so does your Life

Hello everyone, hope you’re all being beaten by life in its own miraculous ways, hope you’re successfully following the so called social paradigms that are eating your life from inside like some toxic beetles. Well don’t worry, I’m also being damned down and stripped of my creativity here in the name of being social, cool, moral and god know how much else fancy craps. So I’m back to the only thing where I can be completely honest and free, I’m back into writing. Well, I am so surprised and pissed same time by the humongous level of insolence without potential, assholery and a whole package of bullshit “most intelligent creature”, have demonstrated in such a short span of time.

Ugh, crap I don’t even know where the hell to even start this, from the annoying attention seeker chimps to those cringe disgraceful petty talks given shit load of time to the destiny things left floating in the sky like a stray kite. Words are limited, time is strained but the mind is infinitely filled with rage, love, hate, envy, jealousy and all other deluxe packages of emotions. I’m not here to pour my rage, or spit out my misanthropy but I’m definitely here to share these things, so with all premium emotions let’s begin.

You look at the title, right? “You suck and so does your life”, What the hell, Phantomzedi trying something new? Is he depressed or something? Raaagee issues???I know many of such small questions might have shuffled in your brain when you opened this article. The intro is enough to let you know what kind of journey this is going to be, it’ll be short but something new. So again let me tell you this, YOU SUCK  and don’t worry I’m not being an insolent kid, my life sucks too. Now let’s explore why and how exactly we are awarded with such an honorable mention.

I know you care too much, you care about what the random man on bus is thinking of your shirt, the cool guy in your class thinks of your attitude, your crush thinks of you as dumb douche, and much more. Such thoughts are most of the times based on your own supreme mental analysis or the legends of the globe, the damn critics. And hence you don’t literally live your life, you live their expectations that are again either made by you or told by them. There are very very few people I’ve met who have been able to keep this fancy attention seeking thing under their control. Attention is a basic human desire, as being a social animal, humans should crave for a little attention from fellow humans and its natural and healthy, it keeps many bonds alive, helps in formation of new. But going out of the way to get attention, linking every day to day activities to impress others, trying horse accent to excite the crowd, feeding every piece of lie for a relationship, well it doesn’t sound anything near being even human let alone normal.

There is a popular story of a donkey, a father and a son on a journey to a city for some business. They were initially walking, all three of them and at some point in their way, some men commented, “Look at those fools walking, when they can simply climb the donkey and make themselves comfortable”. So taking the comment and label of fool,  father climbed the donkey and they all resumed the journey, again at another point some women commented, “Look at that cruel man, riding the donkey and letting the little kid walk in such scorching heat (along with some heretic curses I will not utter here).” So another label taken, “Cruel”, and so now both are riding the donkey, then only son is riding the donkey and wait, what the…! the donkey is being carried? So many corresponding comments and labels were rained down on them like spears and arrows, and each time they took those literally and followed the advice. Long story short, donkey died (Now who’s heretic?)  and their sole destiny, the one they started with was badly, profoundly screwed. Such a grim and funny tale, right? After you finish pitying the donkey, or laughing at father and son,  look at your life. You are father and the son, while your goal, your life is that donkey. About commentators, I don’t need to tell you who they are now, do I?

In your class, your work, or your society itself, there will always be shitloads of people who will object you no matter how much you bust your ass to work it out. The nerd gang will object you if you party too much, the cool gang will object you if you study too much, the flirty girl will object you if you don’t do all the jerk talks, the boss will object you if you don’t work as his personal robot. So there is a law of objection that I devised which states, “Objection can’t be destroyed though it can be created which is a piece of cake, and it can be transferred from one source to another.” So now you know too that your life sucks either from nerd’s perspective or the cool boy’s, from flirt’s or from a genuine decent human’s, from your boss’s or from peon’s. The “suck” part just transfers from one to another, but it never ever will be destroyed. It’s upto you where you want to shift it or if you even care where it does shifts.

So any suggestions? Do you really thing that this nasty habit you’ve been petting for your whole life is gonna leave just like that. Possible? yes, but you would have to be divinely  selfish, willing to loose people/things that comes with this habit and be patient. Tomorrow whenever you feel like giving off your time to a rotten opinion, step back and take a deep breathe and ask yourself. Questioning oneself is a very first foundation towards being a selfish life centered human. Question why are you taking this opinion? What good it would be if you impress this person or group? wasn’t this opinion also plunged here by some other prick? You see these rotten opinions/criticisms aren’t new actually, they’ve been roaming this earth for a very long time. You gotta develop something of your own, something with both love and hate, calm and rage, philanthropy and misanthropy and you can do it. But initially, it won’t work, you’ll be eventually succumbed to the toxicity of attention seeking, but resist everyday, every minute and don’t lose your temper. Start from the weak, eventually you’ll be one hell of a man/woman, who will be hated by one side of the road while equally admired by another. Once the useless junk and the people associated clears out, new genuine things start entering your life bringing along more stable, rigid minded humans with same appetite for goal/life and brew of that divine selfishness.


“Narcissistic attention seekers  are consumed with maintaining a shallow false self to others. They’re emotionally crippled souls that are addicted to attention. Because of this they use a multitude of games, in order to receive adoration. Sadly, they are the most ungodly of God’s creations because they don’t show remorse for their actions, take steps to make amends or have empathy for others. They are morally bankrupt.”

Fathomless life, Chapter-1

Hello everyone, I hope all of you beautiful souls are striving forward in your lives no matter the struggles and hindrances. I hope that you have a bunch of people by your side ready to follow you down to the gates of hell. I hope you are proud of yourself for coming this far and still having this exceptional amount of energy to constantly fuel your soul. I hope the peace is alive within your hearts and tranquility within your lives. It has been really an amazing week for me too, amazingly good and amazingly bad. Well last few weeks were emotionally fluctuating, energy draining, spiritually relinquishing and its like a new chapter has taken a leap forward in my life. So today we’ll talk about one of most generic topics i.e. emotions and feelings, I’ll share my experiences and philosophies and I’m looking forward to hear yours too.

Emotions, powerful word indeed, one enough to bring a catastrophe or salvation to lives, based on its source of origin. In fact emotions are nothing more than just a game of hormones in our brain. The positive ones have a playground named prefrontal cortex and the negative ones have amygdala. When you think of it that way, it all looks much simpler and minuscule to even brood about. But all this spirituality turns futile when you see that annoying kid in your class or that duck faced teacher with severe torture issues. Not even great saints or great philosophers have been able to conquer emotions, many of such great thinkers, spiritual preachers who were believed to have achieved greater level of enlightenment have been found to have broken moral values, social norms, cultural restrictions just because they were deluded into a vile play by their emotions.

So what’s the solution, what’s the key of controlling such bockety entity. Well, I don’t know it yet. I’m still searching for the ultimate emotional resilience and it seems a long long way from where I’m right now. But before we chase that eternal harmony let’s take some time to look at what emotional balance means, what are myths and realities behind it.

To most peoples the emotional balance means inner satisfaction, well whatever, its satisfaction, inner or outer. By satisfaction, it covers a wide range of wishes and desires that are money, fame, beauty, health, girlfriends/boyfriends, loving happy family, supporting acquaintances and friends, awesome career, passion as job of life, etc. The list is kind of never ending and varying from people to people. Now among above mentioned satisfaction parameters, getting all on them at once is sorta impossible so there you go, emotional turbulence hitting you hard. Let me tell you one thing, trying to achieve satisfaction through things that are themselves somehow related to materialism is not that easy. For instance lots of money will induce fear, roaring fame will snatch your social or personal life, beauty will fade with time, etc.

Now you may ask, what is wrong in desiring health, relationships, friends and family or pursuing passion?

You are absolutely right, these are some more positive desires than others, more interconnected to internal peace rather than just external touch. But what if you caught some diseases like asthma, diabetes, etc from genetic cause. Despite being a person with healthiest routine, regular exercise, good diet, no smoking or drinking, you have a disease as legacy, an ancestral gift. Your health is now not  as you expected it to be, so will you stay gloomy your whole life, cursing your fate?

Unexpected shits happen sometimes despite our best efforts but that’s no reason to lose your cool and make whole life miserable. Your health may be bad, your family may have been broken, your partner may have cheated upon you, your passion might not give you income enough to have a decent life, and whatever other big rocks life throws right at your face, just remember that your emotions are yours to govern. Well I know it all feels like all big talks. I was completely deteriorated when my best and long time friend left me, that was a hard time for me and the scar is still in me somewhere but I’ve accepted my part and chosen not to linger in that grim time. As Mark Mansion suggests, “The events of our life are not under our control, but how we choose to react to that certain event is completely in our hand”. And in fact, the situations sometimes are created by us somehow, like the partner that betrayed you was initially chosen by you so accept that. Acceptance is very very hard thing to adopt but its a very powerful tool in bringing emotional harmony. When you accept that the nasty situation you’re in is somehow your fault, or accept that the emotions you’re showing in the certain situation are yours to control, you somewhat get the grip of your feelings. Now I’m not saying that you’ll be able to laugh when your friend die, that would be just diabolic, I’m just saying that you’ll be able to recover back to the emotional harmony state once suffered some damage to it. I call it emotional elasticity, a property of emotions to get back to the balanced state once suffered enough force to disturb the tranquility. I’m not teaching how to become heartless but I’m teaching how to use heart blended with brain, the blend of feelings and inner consciousness.

This is a kind of topic where there is no end, no beginning and no perfect solution. Some will find my article genuine while some will find it as a sick attempt of all talk motivation. Before I stop tapping these buttons, let be just add a few more things to this article, say its for my satisfaction and after all that’s our primary goal here.

I’m gonna be direct here, make a list and yes I mean a well labelled, written or typed list. A list of names of people whose opinion matters to you, genuine souls who you believe are influential to your life and then screw the rest.

This is a major gruesome cancer in our lives, we are highly affected by other’s opinions, its like we’re the puppets of society and the strings are too tangled to even solve, well there is no reason for you to solve it, just cut the strings. Inferiority complex is also other deal-breaker that eats you and your potential, and its a child of too much care given to too many things/humans. “Hey look! Mark just uploaded a photo with his wife in front of his new car”, damn! and I’m just struggling to get a job in my classic bike, not to mention the failed relationships. This is just an example of our comment over a photo of our old buddy Mark in social media. This envy, jealousy and inferiority complex does nothing but kills our actual potential giving birth to a crippling anxiety and thus damages the integrity of consciousness. What if Mark is struggling over his relationship, what if he has some really ugly health issue, what if he hates his job to a point enough give birth to depression,etc. are just some potential dark sides of a person, social media won’t show us. Social media is a connector but it is also a platform that exaggerates the emptiness of the highly aloof humans in the form of such car photos, it sometimes connects us far more than necessary. We can’t just stop caring about something just like that, we can’t just stop envy, jealousy like there is a magic trigger, it needs time and patience as well as try. So make a list, a list of people whose opinions matters to you, list of things that only can affect your emotional integrity and make sure not to include Mark’s facebook life there, follow that list and screw everything else. Sometimes just a dab of digital detachment can really aid your journey of emotional harmony.

I guess this will be enough for today, I have lots of more things to share on this topic so I’ll be back with some more. Listen to music, and have patience, don’t let the world beat you down, don’t depend on too many humans, don’t attach yourself to things, and finally enjoy your life. Happiness and sadness are like day and night, each hitting your life at an interval so learn to embrace both rather than run away from one and never letting go of other. Be selfish!!, see you all.

The Struggle of Anxiety

““Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.”
Truly insightful post on anxiety.

Discovering Your Happiness

Hello loves ❤

Anxiety has one goal, and it’s to destroy people. And sometimes it does.

Anxiety takes away their ability to breathe and it makes you watch as it cripples them. But sometimes it’s sneaky. Sometimes it’s destroying a person and the scariest part about it is you have no idea that it’s happening. Because sometimes anxiety isn’t always as obvious as a person gasping for air as they struggle to breathe.

Sometimes anxiety is a person simply sitting there. It’s a person staring off into space as if they’re caught up in a daydream, when in reality; they’re suffering from their own personal nightmare. Anxiety isn’t always falling apart on the outside, even when you’re shattering on the inside. It’s racing thoughts and irrational fears that clutter your brain and sink your heart. It’s nothing that can be seen unless you live inside that person’s head and nothing…

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Sadness and Sorrow

Sadness and sorrow, grim gluttony and a forsaken tomorrow,

chained down in a dark room with the screams, the horrors of bedlam of life,

they capture who speaks the truth, torment these souls without any ruth,

once a cheerful land, now barred with shadows of hell,

this is tale of how serenity lost its way and in this land, how darkness fell.


Once ruled by a gallant man, this land is now cursed and forlorn,

what caused the downfall of such potent man, it’s an enigma still unknown,

but there is a tale of a sorceress, from a kingdom untold,

she came to this realm ere this grim time, claimed to make it further adorn,

emperor, such a pristine man, believed her words and welcomed her with honor and love,

in mere months, she became the queen, an artful damsel with a skin of dove,

some believed it was her cursed trinket that deranged the king whilst other said it were her eyes,

whatever it was, it was for no good, the hills froze, pall aura traversed the air,

the birds chanted sad symphonies of how the darkness shall rise.

Rumors flew, the sorceress was the witch from the hell, summoned by king’s allies,

for they were envious of his contentment and fame, thus planned to betray him swallowing their shame,

poor king sat lifelessly on his throne, stabbed by friends, ripped by love, all alone,

the queen summoned her fiends whilst knave men danced and drank,

for the last remembered virtue was dead, the peace from that land was long gone.


No men knows what happened to that land for no men is free to talk,

it was a tale some terrified birds told who witnessed the downfall of a great time,

because that cursed land is an embodiment of darkness, no men can ever walk.

this short fable is a reminder of our fateful life, we all choose to follow,

for nothing is ever certain, glee and joy or the sadness and sorrow.






How to live a genuinely miserable life?

I know there are some peoples out there who can write a book on this topic, while others can write a page or two, but there is not a single human entity in this whole cosmos who isn’t aware of this grief-stricken subject. Apart from being such a prominent matter of discussion, this is also one of the most versatile subject that can be defined by each human in his/her own melancholic way. For instance, an army might suggest his extreme training is a way to a genuine miserable life while a serial killer might suggest, living as a roommate of a police officer is a way to a genuine miserable life, similarly a middle school kid’s view on the way to live a genuine miserable life might be, going to school and returning with tons of homework and a regular grudge against that fat bully who ate his lunch again. In just three cases we find three different opinions while each one claiming to be genuine, but you and I have our own claims and we are also rigid on ours. Now the question is, what is the true method towards such a life?, Isn’t there any enlightened saint who might have actually found a common effective way to boost our misery?. Well, I don’t personally know any such proven method or any tricks but as always, let’s explore it ourselves and extract that sure shot technique towards lifelong utter despair. It’s gonna be easy as we are all related to gloom in one way or another.

Be extremely positive, yes I mean it. By positivity, I mean extremely optimistic believer, just hope everything is going to be fine, universe is gonna gift you that eternal happiness and satisfaction some day. Just sit back, laugh at others struggling and keep the blind faith on, and very soon that same generous universe is gonna kick in your face with the hard boots of failure and disappointment so hard, that your life itself will be taken for an example of misery someday. But remember, this technique only works when you avoid any struggle, hard work, perseverance during the journey, that profound hope must solely be based on senseless theories and excuses developed by your own brain. May the misery be with you.

Bonds are something that keeps people attached, bonds keep love alive and it is a major pillar for the world peace itself. In chemistry, bonds helps in creation of new compounds, important alloys, but the same bond between carbon monoxide and hemoglobin can take your life. Now in our life, each day we meet new peoples and same old ones, family members, relatives, colleagues, friends, foes, etc. and we have a different behavioral paradigm with them, our psychological view in each case is different, either slightly or vastly. For instance one cannot detest his/her little brother the way he/she might hate a guy at college, sometimes you want cannibals to devour this annoying kid at your school, your heart races when you see that pretty girl, your neck dries when you think about someone important long gone, etc. These all emotions, feelings are a result of bond you have with them. Now the question is, how the bond is a way towards a miserable life? Well, its like the hemoglobin and carbon monoxide case, make the wrong bond with wrong person and wretch your life. Once there was this guy who uploaded a status which said something like this, “Think with your heart, your mind doesn’t understand the language of love.” Pretty catchy, isn’t it? After sometime, the same guy posts, “The mind replays what the heart can’t delete (with feeling hurt)”. This kid first betrayed his mind for a bond he developed solely based on his futile feelings and then he goes on blaming his brain for replaying the mess that he had created. See? what a bond did there?, it started a war between a human and his brain, which is itself a lifelong misery. So go on creating bonds that are useful for maintaining your cool trademark around your not so cool followers, the bonds that are solely based on some desire, greed, develop bonds of hate and envy, and in no time you will find yourself abandoned in a desert of sorrow. There will also be instantaneous periodical mirages for making your misery more entertaining. So the peripheral bonds created without a second thought, just for an instant rush of excitement and satisfaction can also be helpful in maintaining a life full of doldrums.

With two major ways towards a miserable life described, there are several other ways too that can either help directly or as a catalyst in this journey towards lifelong misery. These include

hyper-thinking, as Mark Manson describes in his feedback loop from hell, “there are times when we became worried or sad because of our overthinking that leads to thinking about that overthinking and entangles us in this miserable anxiety ridden loop.” Same goes for guilt, anger, hate, attraction, etc. Its a pill from hell, take it.

Inferiority complex, a friend of yours casually criticized about your socially disgusting behaviors and now you can’t help but feel utterly bad and insecure about yourself while that friend of yours has long forgotten what he said and is probably eating his favorite chicken dish. Your whole life you felt like a loser for no specific reason, you compare yourself to the best but never for once see potential in you, you are socially hyper-sensitive, you blame others, etc. This, my friend, is a professor of misery university, Dr. Inferiority complex. It gives you chains of feeling inferior along with lots of anxieties and desolation. Good luck with all those free presents, have a miserable life ahead.

Hypocrisy, fancy depression, million blames, billion fu*ks given, etc. these all are the quick and easy ways to the melancholy palace where you can live your life in an absolute misery and despondency. Now its up to you, whether you follow these paths or not. You might have already started on any of these ways too or maybe you have a way of your own. Whatever the case is, just believe in yourself, oh wait! don’t believe in yourself, believe in what others tell you, believe in the world’s opinion towards you. Now lets end this, have a (………….) life ahead, you fill the blanks.


Philosophy for psychology (Intuitive idea on Absurdism, Existentialism and Nihilism)

Psychology, in general terms is a science of study of mental patterns and functions, especially those related to behaviors. But this science is one of most powerful art that has power to both evolve or destroy the whole humanity. This might sound exaggerating, but its a truth as the most horrendous mental states like crippling depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc are children of psychology and so are divine enlightenment, spiritual awakenings, evolution, etc. Now it isn’t easy for one to manipulate psychology and use it for their benefit, until now there are many philosophers who have their own theories, opinions for the universe, our mind and behaviors. Philosophy is the study of fundamental nature of universe, matter, reality, well basically everything so psychology and philosophy have a kind of brotherly bond between them. In my last week I kind of studied about few of these philosophical principles and theories. I was inspired from a friend goes by nickname R. Queen, she strongly follows absurdism and Camus’s works and she suggested me to have a look. Now lets quickly go through four of these philosophical phenomenons/theories I went through and what I was able to grasp about them.

First one is absurdism, it is a principle that was first  introduced by influential novelist and philosopher, Albert Camus who won Nobel prize in literature for his revolutionary works such as “The rebel”. His works opposed nihilism i.e. a psychological principle that states that, ” Our existence is meaningless, the universe does not have any intrinsic value and its worthless to try to build one of our own.” Pretty gloomy and sadistic, isn’t it? Now his principle i.e. absurdism, on the other hand, states that, “one’s search for meaning is inherently in conflict with the actual lack of meaning, but that one should both accept this and simultaneously rebel against it by embracing what life has to offer.”

Second one is existentialism, is a philosophical principle that was introduced during 19th and 20th century by European philosophers. It states that, ” through a combination of awareness, free will, and personal responsibility, one can construct their own meaning within a world that intrinsically has none of its own.” This one sure is positive but its too good to be true or accept too. In our live despite our strong belief  and free will, we are going to fail achieve something, we will at that time feel the presence of a powerful entity also referred as “Fate” that is completely ignored my existentialism.

Third one is metaphysics, now this one is like the grand grand father of philosophy. It is, in fact a combination of experimental ideas and philosophical thoughts. As said in Greek, philosophy is “thinking of thinking”, in metaphysics also the fundamental aspects of reality and cosmos are questioned as well as explored. It is, in general, the philosophical study that deals with abstract concepts such as being, knowing, time and space. It has two parts viz. cosmology and ontology. Cosmology deals with universe, cosmos and its creation, effect of universe, time, space,etc while ontology deals with being, knowing, reality, existence, etc.

The last one isn’t actually a philosophical concept itself, it’s more of an idea, a psychological mutation. It is none other than misanthropy which in general means, hate for humans. Irony, isn’t it?, loathing one’s own kind. A misanthrope doesn’t trust humans for he believes them to be lacking knowledge or lacking understanding capacity thus isolates him/herself from the society. A misanthropist has little or no patience for society and when put in social situations, they react by rage, annoyance, pain or loner tendencies. Sometimes I think of myself as a misanthrope but then I realize that is just because “that guy from my college orientation” was dumb.

Metaphysics is more of a grand grand father so we all follow it, misanthropy comes in two forms, either a disease or response to assholism. So that leaves us absurdism, existentialism and nihilism.

Nihilism is more like waiting for death with lifetime subscription of boredom and uselessness, it is also referred as suicidal philosophy as there is nothing meaningful in here except death. Existentialism is optimistic approach towards reality and existence but it is like an object without shadow in morning. Meaning, there are always times in life when life is going to hit us hard on a diamond hard rock, head on. In such case, an existentialist is going to scatter because he/she wasn’t prepared for this, he/she was always that free will, determination and perseverance are all that is needed to write reality and destiny. Now comes absurdism, it is a practical approach that says that the search for meaning for anything in this meaningless existence will ultimately fail, for humans. The word “absurd” in absurdism means humanly impossible not logically impossible. So one should simultaneously accept one’s fate and simultaneously revolt against it for own’s free will and satisfactory existence. Absurdism neither completely defy meaning of existence as nihilism  nor it completely accepts as existentialism. Albert Camus was often called an existentialist by many though he defied. I would like to refer myself as a absurd existentialist as I’m satisfied by one half of absurdism and one half of existentialism.  In the end, whichever one you choose just know that philosophy is a powerful art which should be studied by everyone in proper way, to understand basic aspects of one’s existence, reality and purpose. In this world where each passing day people are controlled more and more by their worthless desires and emotions, philosophy is a salvation, it is a key component for taking humanity to a next level.

“Man stands face to face with the irrational. He feels within him his longing for happiness and for reason. The absurd is born of this confrontation between the human need and the unreasonable silence of the world.”

                                                                           – Albert Camus, Absurdism

“Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better.”

– Albert Camus, Absurdism

“I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.”

–  Umberto eco, Exitentialism

“Why do we argue? Life’s so fragile, a successful virus clinging to a speck of mud, suspended in endless nothing.”

Alan Moore, Nihilism

“The point is there ain’t no point.”

– Cormac Mcarthy, Nihilism